farra marie rogers

Today is the last day I will be a mama of three babies under three. Tomorrow they will be three under four, when my first born turns three and I don’t know how that happened in the blink of an eye. Which is why I was inspired to start this series of letters to myself, to my girls, to my husband, essentially to the world. My twins were born almost a year ago, one month after my first turned two. People make comments all the time “you must have your hands full” and “wow, how do you do it?” The fact is, my hands are always more than full and sometimes I feel like I can’t do it or that I’m doing it all wrong. But my heart is literally over-effing-flowing. Like, watching my Quinn get her teeth cleaned yesterday and being so filled with pride that tears welled up in my eyes. Just a teeth- cleaning. That’s something you do when your heart literally can’t hold anymore- you cry at the dentist. Can’t imagine how I will feel when she scores a winning goal or writes a poem. The joy I feel simply watching her sleep is already overwhelming. And she’s only part one of my story.

This is actually not for other people, although I do hope that you read and enjoy it. My words are being placed here for my girls. So they have a written record of the truth, for I feel that in this amazing, beautiful, crazy, chaotic whirlwind of little people- I may forget the most important moments. Maybe I’ll get older and fill in the gaps with how I think it went. Perhaps I’ll blink and they will all be grown-ups helping me pick out a dress to wear to their wedding and I will desperately look back trying to bring the moments back to life.

Don’t we all feel this way? That time can pass so quickly and yet sometimes act like it’s standing still. There have certainly been times, especially during the past year, where I have been in total survival mode. Days that felt like they were a year long. When all of the needs consumed me and I felt like a shell of my former self- in dirty yoga pants and a milk-stained sweatshirt- feeling like I wouldn’t be able to make it another hour. And yet I sit here crying writing this, cursing myself for ever wasting a moment of their lives being anything less than head-over-heels happy&grateful.

So…cheers to you my beautiful children. My goal is to write to you about everything I can as often as I can. These are the best days of my life and it is my absolute honor to raise you and protect you and guide you through what I know about this world. In the short time youhave spent on this earth, you three have taught me more about life&myself than I ever knew prior to your existence. I feel so incredibly lucky to call myself your mama. xoxo